A nightmare scenario. Your partner started being cold towards you. Without an explanation. Everything seemed fine before, but now, they seem different. Your immediate reaction is to panic and start going through previous messages. We are humans, after all, and it’s hard to control that panic when it first hits us. The next thing you do is: You start showering them with attention and compliments. You also start asking them what is wrong. They keep telling you everything is fine. It isn’t, though. You can sense it.
“They are cold, they lost attraction. I should become needier and start giving them more attention.”
After all, it seems logical, right? They pulled back, so you start thinking that you should pull in to get them back. But attraction doesn’t work that way.
What To Do Instead
When your partner pulls away, it is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL to also pull away. Read this blog to see why. Don’t shower them with compliments and don’t start smothering them with attention. Their attraction for you is already low, this will only lower it more. They want to be away from you for now so give them space.
Having the courage to walk away is attractive. Stop messaging them and wait for them to message you. Wait for them to reach out and start a conversation. In the meantime, start doing more high-value things that you did before. They decided to be with you because you were attractive in the beginning. Revert back to the person you were then. Start acting high value again. Do more positive things. If they do, it means that they miss you and are ready to talk.
Picture it from this example:
They become cold. You decide to step back, leave them alone, and wait for them to reach out first. You clear your head and from this moment on, start doing high-value things like you did when they fell in love with you. A few days pass. You post something on social media. They see you having fun without them. You’re living your life and working hard. This makes them wonder about you. It will shock them. It also shows them that you don’t need them to carry on. Keep it up for a few days and their attraction begins to grow. It shows them that you are strong.
“Let’s see what they’ve been up to.”
And then they reach out. Now, it’s your turn to show them that you are cool and collected. Act like nothing was wrong. Don’t start showering them with compliments or calling them immediately. Be aloof. Now it’s your turn to be a bit colder.
This sets the dynamics on the right path.
When you are not talking to them or messaging them, there is silence. In that silence, they have time to think things through. It sort of works the same way as no contact. Let the silence between you two pull you together. Leave them alone and let them come to you.
It’s hard to do the thing above, because of anxiety. You can’t control your emotions and you feel like you NEED to do something. But that need will cost you your partner. When they get cold, it’s a preview of what’s about to happen. A breakup. Don’t let it come to that. Forget about the mistakes that you did and start focusing on doing the right things from this moment on. The word TIME is the most important factor here.